I Published Too Soon!

I wanted to add to the blog I just published that I know the email was written by someone who had kids and wanted those of us without them to shut our mouths, and realize what parents go through. My utmost respect goes out to you all!

So You Think You Are Ready For Kids...

I just got this email from Lauren, and I almost cried I was laughing so hard! I'm so not a fan of forwarded emails, but this one is awesome! And you wonder why I cannot decide on having children. WARNING: If you are about to give birth to your first child--DO NOT read this!!!! It is a bit scary!

Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 15 step program first!

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store. 2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. 3. Go home. 4. Pick up the paper. 5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2 Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel....
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive) Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out..
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
3. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower

Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 8
1. Get ready to go out.
2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour.
3. Go out the front door.
4. Come in again.Go out.
5. Come back in.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10.Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Lesson 9
Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.

Lesson 10
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 11
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air. You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.

Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's "Noggin"?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 13
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

Lesson 14
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15 Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt-sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

The First Day of School...And Prayers Are Needed!

Today was my first day back at school with all 802 children! I have to admit, I love, love, love my school and everyone I work with! The first few days are tons of fun, because the kids are so excited to see you, and you get lots and lots of hugs and waves (which always fills me up:)!). It is nice to be a little more experienced and not having to say every 5 minutes, "Um, I don't know, let me go ask Carol Ann". Carol Ann is the other counselor, and this is her 12th year, so she knows waaaay more than me, but we are a fun team, I must say! Her little boy, Eli, started kindergarten this year, but she soldiered through the first day knowing he was having a blast. Okay, now for the prayers...I need some prayers on how to handle increased stress brought on by kids who have behavior problems. I can come up with behavior plans, consequences, and creative ideas, but I take everything really seriously, and get upset when things don't improve. And most of you know, if there is a true behavior problem, school employees can only do so much! So, just pray for patience & direction for the teachers and me--we are definitely going to need it! I hope everyone else's work is going well, and for all you preggers people, take care of yourselves, you can only be selfish for a little while longer!

A Trip to the Chiropractor...With My Dog!

Okay, it is official, I am absolutely nuts about my doodle, Callie! I will leave Andy out of this (although I will say that he was supportive). Callie and I went for her second visit to the chiropractor today (yes, I said chiropractor!). Over the past several months, if her head gets turned a certain way, she will freak out, start crying, and limp on her left leg. Since she only did this very randomly, I kept thinking I was stepping on her foot! As I paid better attention, I realized it was a problem with her neck--but since she didn't have a "fit" very often, I chose to not worry about it. Well, when we returned from vacation, she was having a freak out session 1-2 times a day! Now, let's just say it was so horrible that if she did it around other dogs, they would start barking at her, and I would just cry (okay, another reason I cannot have children, I cry when my dog is hurt!). It was horrible. After talking to our vet, he suggested that we could either treat it with medicine without knowing what was wrong, do a MRI to diagnose the problem, or since I had narrowed it down to a neck problem--take her to the chiropractor. I thought he was on crack, but he assured me that he has sent many dogs to the chiropractor to help with neck, back, and leg problems, with great success. Hesitantly, I called the chiropractor thinking they would think I was off my rocker for even calling. But, no, they welcomed us with open arms. We went to the first appointment last Friday, and the second one today. I am happy to report that she has not had one episode since last Thursday, and the chiropractor just said to monitor her. The visit was cheaper than a visit to the vet, and she has improved! How crazy is that?! The chiropractor told me that he usually works with dogs who are older and having problems getting around. He once helped a dachshund (sp?) who couldn't walk, and the dog left his office walking! So, all this to say, he made a believer out of me! Thank you, Dr. Dellinger! Here is an old picture of Callie--I hate to post without pictures!

At The Beach With Harry!

No, I have not left Andy for a man named Harry, most of you can probably guess, I mean Harry Potter! I graduated from UGA on Saturday, July 21st--we had a nice ceremony with just my cohort that I have gone through the program with. Andy, my family, and I then hit the road for the beach. We went with my parents, Andy's parents, and Andy's younger brother, Charlie, and his wife, Rachel, to Blue Mountain Beach for vacation. It was wonderful! We had a great time. Everyone was so laid back, we would hang out on the beach all day long, then eat our faces full at night. We had a blast, the weather was nice, and the water was gorgeous! Eli could not come because he was in pre-planning for his new job as an elementary P.E. teacher in Lebanon, TN. Keep him in your prayers as he begins his new career! I read several books over the week, and I got Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows as a graduation present. To get ready to read it, I read books 5 & 6 to jog my memory. I began reading the last book on Saturday on the trip home, then finished Monday morning at 1 am--I could not stop reading it! I have seen several other blogs and know that many of you are Potter fans. I am sad the last book is done, and want to re-read it again soon! It will not disappoint! For those who are thinking about reading the books, now is the time, because you can read them all straight through! Enjoy my pictures from graduation and the beach!This is Dr. Pam Paisley, our professor who led us through our entire program. She is awesome! Thanks for all you did for us!In front of the arches with my parents and Andy.

Drs. Don and Donna Davis (yes they are married!)--great professors! They taught us as a team--do you all think you could work with your spouse? They are a great team!

My cohort! We are missing a few of our friends, I had a blast with you all!

My parents posing for picture time!The water was gorgeous!With Andy's family (Rachel left to go home for graduate school, so she missed this pic!)

Andy and Charlie in the ocean--sorry the picture is not the best--I just thought they were so cute!

Andy and I on the walkway to the beach! How cute is my husband?!?